Framing our Perspectives

     Powerlessness, a feeling that is of near consensus when speaking of how mental health challenges are experienced. Caregivers and those with lived experience, at any given time can feel a sense of discouragement for a variety of reasons. Wait lists, lack of services, early discharge dates, narrow treatment options and common experience of feeling unheard are just some of the discouraging realities blocking families from receiving appropriate care and eventual stability. These are merely tipping points that exceed the social, racial, cultural, religious, political challenges that families may experience on a subjective level. As expressed by one client “It feels like scaling a mountain side that continues to grow. The closer we get to the top, the higher the peak seems to be. We never summit, we just always seem to climb.”

Rather poetically, such a metaphor describes beautifully such a common issue. One that is wrought with the additional challenges as illustrated. Confronting such feelings of vulnerability places caregivers in a situation of fragility, where all fears, anxieties and uncertainties are brought to the forefront of discussion. It is an experience shared by many, understood by few and viewed as being impossible to address. Such an emotional, social and psychological challenge calls for an approach that encompasses both realism and idealism. Just as in scaling the elevations of a mountain, balance is crucial.

There is no easy way to approach mental health challenges. Despite severity, everyone experiences stress, sadness, grief and anxiety. Only when there is an unbalance; biologically, socially and emotionally, do we see the formation of disorders and progressive detriment to ones’ psyche. Such taxing factors can be discouraging and are, both personally and publicly the root of many challenges faced by families and their loved ones. These are known factors, they in many cases are absolute experiences and with that become the primary focuses that impede families. Fixating on the stressors distracts of the overall goal.

It is a question that stalls and staggers many: what are your expectations? So many challenges can be impeding that at times, the strengths and options for families and their loved ones can be like trying to see the mountain peak when you are still at the base. Re-framing how approaches to mental health challenges are applied for families opens avenues to resilience, strengthening and self-advocacy. Family expectations, however lofty, are not necessarily unrealistic. The intentions behind them may not be practical, but are far from fantastical. Families hold onto those expectations, not out of a grandeur, but as a means to propel up the mountain.

Expectations need not be lowered. Only to the discouragement of families and their loved ones do we then give into the belief that there can be nothing better and that our acceptance can go no farther than coping. We aim to strengthen and strive to exceed our own fears and anxieties that perpetuate the belief that there is only so much we can do. Re-frame, redefine expectations for ones’ self and those we care for. What is the goal of reaching the peak? Knowing we will not find a cure, nor that the mental health challenges will fully dissipate; or that we must accept that there will always be challenges. Needless to say, we continue to strive for the top. Once we reach it, we aim to balance ourselves, achieve stability and maintain that sure footing.

Strengthening ourselves, exploring our fears, knowing what tools and supports we need are at the basis of such an endeavour. We need not abandon the belief that our loved one and our family can be well but explore such a focus outside of a narrow, binary lens. By maintaining a straight path up a mountain, we sacrifice the potential of balance, grip and ease of movement. Mental health challenges, like climbing is not a straight path. Though we aim to meet a goal, our path to it will involve falling back, stumbling and revisiting prior paths. Our is to look at our expectations as reflection of self, fears and aspirations for all involved.

Ultimately, our goals are to re-frame our thinking to meet expectation. To lower our expectations raises only the inevitability of apathy and acceptance of how stressful it can be for families to wait for services or feel heard. We gain nothing by acceptance of current practices except a continuation of such an ill fitted cycle. As parents, spouses, children and practitioners, it is our responsibility to keep high, realistic expectations to ensure that change can happen for our loved ones. Each and every person can be helped, supported and healthy. We will stumble, fall and fail along the way. But most importantly, we learn. We learn what our fears are, our own aspirations and the actions needed for us to strengthen ourselves.